Wait a minute!
Image credit: Barbara David

In classic “wait a minute” style, for ConkSat where there’s will, there’s a way – with X postings offering some challenging marketing concepts.

“For years, spaceflight companies have discussed means for reducing the amount of space junk in low Earth orbit (LEO). As visionaries at ConkSat, we have never been satisfied with the status quo – and that means going against popular thinking. That’s why we’re announcing the first spacecraft dedicated to increasing the amount of space junk in LEO,” explains a ConkSat posting.

“FragSat is more than a satellite – it’s a cloud of over 70 billion steel ball bearings packed into a payload fairing. Say goodbye to your competitor’s megaconstellations with FragSat, guaranteed to increase the rate of collisions in orbit by orders of magnitude. Taking advantage of the increase in payload to orbit offered by new launchers, we’re planning on up to twenty launches per year of pure steel, rendering entire families of orbits unusable for centuries,” continues the posting from ConkSat.

“Just another way we’re bringing space down to Earth.”

Image credit: ConkSat

Quality Unassurance

Another X posting from ConkSat spotlight they fired their entire quality assurance team.

“How are we going to keep our rockets, satellites, and missiles at the quality expected of the ConkSat brand? Simple – we aren’t. We can’t let quality assurance hold us back from true innovation. From this point forward, we aren’t keeping lengthy or dated records. We won’t be “doing critical maintenance.” Our engineers will be motivated by the desire to push humanity forward, and by the fact that we required them to live downrange of the launch site.”

Bringing space down to Earth. At high speed.
Image credit: ConkSat


What’s the point?

“People called us crazy. People called us names. Some hurtful. People told us we were “violating federal regulations” and would be “shut down immediately.” But you don’t become a leading defense contractor without stepping on a few toes.”

Image credit: ConkSat

“Let’s be honest. Everybody’s worst nightmare is dumping $1bn in seed money into a rocket startup, only to have them churn out an ugly looking launch vehicle with weird fins at the top. If you’re embarrassed to release the promotional hype video, what’s the point? That’s why we at ConkSat recognize the importance of a smooth profile. Our launch vehicles are guaranteed to be 100% smooth with no protrusions or ugly changes in diameter that could render your investment silly.”

Artificial intelligence

“At ConkSat, we know AI is the future. Everything we do is powered by AI – every email, every spreadsheet, and every piece of code is created 100% by ChatGPT. Our launch vehicles are guided completely by onboard neural networks: even we don’t know where our rockets will land! Curious about how we’ll create the future of spaceflight? So are we! Hopefully we figure it out before our investors do.”

Thank you ConkSat for all that you do! — Leonard David

One Response to “Introducing “FragSat” – They’ve Got Balls!”

  • Mischa Stanislavich says:

    I’m just little people, but what does it cost to get your name inscribed on one of those metal gems! I like to think there’s a place for us all in the great books of human history.

    Do you do sport-betting against the big names? What are my odds to bring down some multi-million dollar Science Fair project?

    I’m feelin’ lucky! Fingers crossed! 8-ball in the “corner-side, enemy observation platform!” Poke them in the eyes!

Leave a Reply